Just thought I’d give you a couple more reasons to hit that ‘DE-follow’ button. One of my children has a nut allergy, if it is any consolation. On the other hand, none of my relations have done service, although I worked a 7-11 graveyard shift which, I believe, counts as military service. Comments nut-free or no are welcome!
Sorry about that . . . ending. Ah said I’m sorry. Ass said, I’m sorry. End middle school humour.
Is everything smarter than us? Then, we must very dumb indeed. Will movement even be necessary in the future as our every wish and whim is anticipated? Will our very thoughts spark off synapses that will interconnect with fibre optics that will bombard our brain pan with ads? This coincides well with my prediction that we will all just be amorphous clouds of gas in a few generations.
That big show off!
Comes once a century.
Sheesh! What’s the deal? A ball of dirt.
Although this idea came without the aid of drugs, think how much it might have been improved had I TAKEN some. In fact, the cartoon likely would not have even been drawn, had I taken some Benadryl. Puts me to sleep faster than a grade 10 math text book.
Straws are on the way out here in Vancouver, and elsewhere. They are an environmental hazard. With you-know-who (here’s a hint: it’s not Voldemort) leading the charge, all straws will soon be biodegradable. They will then be heading for the landfill and not biodegrading, thus changing nothing!
Why, you ask? (When, a few of you will ask, as well, as in when will the condescension end) Who here has put recycling in the wrong receptacle (me!)? I have been known to stand for hours, trying to work out which goes where, while silently weeping. You-know-who has led the charge in that area, providing receptacles for organic waste, paper, plastic, and I forget the other one: the miscellaneous bin? Very few companies, at the time of this writing (about 8pm) even provide this. McDonald’s provides a nice big garbage bin with a wide mouth, where EVERYTHING goes. Even half of that 64 oz soda that you couldn’t finish. That is why that lobby person is muttering under his breath.
(dons teachers’ robe and pince nez, engages pedantic part of brain) The fact is that landfills need to be constantly compacted and squashed so as to allow the maximum waste. Similar to how you stomp down an overflowing rubbish bin. Sand, dirt, water, all are introduced into the landfill to better squash the endless truckloads of waste. (sorry, if you were enjoying your liver with a nice Chianti, Dr. Lecter) All the stuff that was thrown in the wrong bin (I’m looking at you, callow youth with smart phone in hand), EVEN an apple core, will not decompose properly.
It will remain in that landfill for years WITHOUT biodegrading because for that to take place, oxygen and light need to be present. Put those biodegradable straws in the PROPER receptacle or, better yet, carry around your own stainless steel straws. Carry them around in a hipster cigarette case, like that guy who carries his pool cue in a case, and no one EVER plays with.
I am no sanitation engineer, and I heard this second-hand from a city worker, so this is good to about ten decimal points. Few ever give a second thought to landfills and how they never seem to fill up. This is just as no one ever thinks about the ‘invisible industry’. Know what that is? Not those wonderful folks who clean hotel rooms. It is the rendering industry. That is, the processing of animal carcasses, after all the saleable meat has been extracted.
The enemy of recycling is a lack of convenience. We are unwilling to go too far out of our way to save the planet, to use that hackneyed phrase. I am guilty of that, as much as the next guy. Unlike other countries, like Japan, and Scandinavian countries, we are not indoctrinated in the art of recycling where it has become second nature out of necessity – lack of land space. Do you think the Mars space program is all about seeking new frontiers? New frontiers of landfill space, perhaps.
The point is, recycling is expensive because of all the personnel needed to correct our mistakes, (i.e., putting the apple core in the paper bin) and a lack of education. Along with mental health education, I believe that environmental concerns should be mandatory in schools from K to 12. Perhaps they are, in the more progressive schools.
I’ll get off my soap box now (which I will break down and recycle) – my kids are used to my moaning about recycling. It is a hope of mine that I too might be recycled, when the time comes, though I would draw the line at rendering. I refuse to be fertilizer!
Thanks for reading these bleatings. Comments, as always, are welcome, and given the star treatment they deserve. How about those jokes you recycled at the barbecue?
It’s true, I am not a monster. Would a monster drag himself out of bed at an ungodly hour (on a weekend, in all manner of weather, no less)? However, I am pretty sure that my youngest regards me as a monster to subject him to such abject misery. I too suffered the discomfiture of playing in crap weather as a young ‘un. Who will stop the cycle? (Thanks for dropping by, folks.
It is time. Time for acts of rudeness to be addressed. A superhero is, of course, a nuclear option. Ordinary citizens can be recruited for this purpose, after a ‘politeness check’ is conducted. This is similar to a criminal record check, but focussing on how many times you have said ‘excuse me’ and ‘thank you’ at the appropriate times. And held doors for the elderly.
In this time of carrying around tiny computers more powerful than the entire Apollo space program, we are forgetting basic manners and decorum. I had a slow motion head-on collision with a lady whose smart phone had captivated her attention to such a degree that she was plying the sidewalk like an errant cruise ship piloted by Captain Obvious. She barely said ‘excuse me’ and continued her wayward progress until a fountain or open manhole impeded her progress.
Community service, in the form of sitting and conversing with the elderly might be in order. It is quite a pickle we find ourselves in when that must be doled out as punishment.
Here are some other throwaway ‘rejoinders’. No worries is very popular right now. That is too optimistic a promise to make – that you can transform my life into one with absolutely NOTHING to worry about. I call that a living Hell. Why? Everyone knows that the thing you DON’T worry about is likely the very thing that is going to kill you utterly. No problem, too is troublesome. There is the implication that were there a problem, all bets are off. I would much rather hear ‘Almost no problem, aside from what you’ve just asked me to do’. Doesn’t really roll off the tongue, though.
By the way, I first heard that ‘have a good one’ line from the great This American Life podcast hosted by Ira Glass.