Vancouver Weather

humor, Vancouver, weather

Why should only tropical storms, tornadoes, hurricanes have names? And doesn’t GIVING them names personalize them, make them more approachable? The prospect of death or impaling by large slivers from telephone poles does not make me want to reach out and embrace these weather abominations. Isn’t that the point?

Take our Vancouver weather. Please. Our weather is a leaden, featureless sky from which varying amounts of water falls, and at many angles, depending on wind speed. These nameless, impersonal weather systems parade through, leaving sullen faces and bowls of hot soup in their wake.

Now, get your head around this: A warm front, named Richard, is creeping towards the coast. The front will be dumping large amounts of stinging rain on our heads, but because it is named Richard, we won’t feel so bad about it! And it will be followed closely by an even more volatile system named Jeff. Jeff has been floating off the Hawaiian Islands picking up lots of evaporated warm water, all set to shower it upon us in three days time, along with thunderstorms. That Jeff!

See? Our formerly drab, featureless weather now has character. No longer will one day blur into another. Instead, conversations will go like this:

Guy: Hey how about that barbeque we had last year, that was interrupted by Brian, that system of icy rain?

Other Guy: Yeah, I remember. It was even worse than when cold front Justin ruined Stacy and I’s wedding.

Guy: Normally, I’d be so pissed off about this, but somehow it doesn’t bother me as much.

Other Guy: Me too. Instead, I feel this warm sort of feeling.

Guy: Snap.


Vancouver, where there are innumerable opportunities to christen this rain, that goes by many names, none of them printable on this blog.