Your Literary Public Image

12 11 2009

Haha, author Mark Haddon intimated that the book you read in public sets the tone for what people’s perception of you will be. He likened the reading of ‘Pet Sematary’ to going out in your underwear. Here is a quick general guide on what to expect from people based on their public reading material:

Pet Sematary/Stephen King – elementary school drop out, blows leaves at the park for a living. Only recently found out what the term ‘pro-rated’ means. And mixes up ‘cahoots’ and ‘cohorts’ to humorous effect.

Man’s Search for Meaning/Viktor Frankl – studying criminology, hoping for insight into downward spiral of life. Grows a wispy beard and stands on public transit looking depressed. Sits at Starbucks at the tables with chessboards on them, hoping for a game. Reads Pet Sematary at home.

Back of Bran Flakes cereal box – busy go-getter type, has not read a novel since late 80s. Often seen reading over people’s shoulders on buses, carpools. Sleeps with pants on to save time, has three alarm clocks. Has Pet Sematary spoken word version on CD.

Instruction manual for DVD recorder – consumes each portion of his food until completion, then moves on to next. Alphabetical order. IOW carrots, peas, pork, then potatoes. Will watch Pet Sematary after downloading and setting up DVD player.

The piece of paper that indicates what each chocolate is in a box of Black Magic – avoid this person at all costs, as they are likely clinically insane. Each page of Pet Sematary is taped onto the wall of his apartment, the letter ‘h’ is cut out, placed in an envelope, and mailed to his grade four teacher, with a note reading: See? I’m over my ‘h’ phobia!

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